My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

Chapter 45: Should we trade silk for horses, or toilet paper for cities?

The lights in Xianyang Palace remained lit all night.

The gold coin, bearing the profile of a curly-haired, big-nosed man, lay quietly on a black velvet cloth, being repeatedly handled by a well-maintained hand.

Ying Zheng frowned, as if looking at something unclean.

"Little G, are you sure this guy is also an emperor?"

Your Majesty, to be precise, he was one of the successors of Alexander the Great of Macedon.

Alexander the Great, who conquered vast empires spanning Eurasia and Africa, is depicted on this gold coin as likely being a Hellenistic king of Bactria.

"Spanning Eurasia and Africa?" Ying Zheng scoffed, his tone clearly disdainful. "Then why does he only dare to show half his face? Is the other side of his face too ugly to be seen by others?"

He tossed the gold coin onto the table, making a crisp sound.

"Heaven is round and earth is square, the outer circle and the inner square, this is the true way. How can you print human heads on money and let people touch them? These barbarians in the west are indeed uncivilized."

Although he spoke disparagingly, Ying Zheng was inwardly in turmoil.

He always believed that conquering the six kingdoms meant possessing the world. Driving back the Xiongnu in the north and pacifying the Baiyue in the south meant reaching the end of the world.

But this gold coin, and Modun's arrogant letter, were like a hammer, shattering the walls of his understanding.

Outside the wall, there are others. And they are people who can mint exquisite gold coins and possess a large army.

"Little G." Ying Zheng stood up and walked to the huge wall that originally only depicted the map of the Qin Dynasty.

"Show me... the true world."

[As you wish, Your Majesty.]

[Loading: Complete map of Eurasia (2nd century BC version).]

The light screen flickered, and the original map began to extend wildly westward.

From the Pamir Mountains, Ferghana, Kangju, Parthia, Seleucus... all the way to Rome, the boot-shaped peninsula rising along the Mediterranean coast.

As Ying Zheng gazed at the vast map, his breathing became rapid for the first time.

The Qin Dynasty, the vast empire he was so proud of, only occupied a small corner of the eastern part of this map.

Meanwhile, to the west of the Qin Dynasty, in that vast blank area, a red line was slowly moving – that was the route Maodun had taken to escape.

"Is he heading this way?" Ying Zheng pointed to the location of the thirty-six kingdoms of the Western Regions.

Yes. Maodun is a genius. He knows he can't defeat your Ironclad Cavalry, so he's going west to "level up."

The scattered military forces of the Western Regions make them perfect targets for him to defeat one by one. Once he consolidates the resources of the Western Regions and controls the trade routes between East and West…

He can then return with iron and horses from the West to settle accounts with you.

"Dream on."

Ying Zheng's eyes instantly turned as sharp as an eagle's.

"My path, I haven't even walked it yet, and he already wants to occupy it first?"

"Since there are so many countries to the west, and so many 'big-headed kings' who have never seen the world..."

A sly smile, typical of a merchant, curled at the corner of Ying Zheng's lips.

"Then I will send people to teach them what 'civilization' and 'consumption' mean."

"Issue the imperial decree! Recruit a 'Western Regions Mission'!"

……

Xianyang City, Hall of Recruiting Talents.

This is where Li Si once published his "Memorial on Expelling Foreign Guests," and it is now bustling with activity once again.

A huge notice was posted on the door:

[Recruitment Notice for the Qin Dynasty Royal Expedition]

Claim:

He's incredibly brave. He dares to eat scorpions in the desert and sing to a pack of wolves.

He has a great sense of direction. He can find north even if he spins around ten times with his eyes closed.

She has excellent speaking skills. She can make straw sound like gold bars and even make stones weep.

Physically fit. Ideally, they should have trained for "The Call of the Times" and have long-distance running experience.

Benefits: Granted a first-class noble title and a settlement allowance of 100,000 coins. If the steed brought back either a "Ferghana horse" or an "elixir of immortality," the rank of marquis will be conferred!

The moment these conditions were announced, the chivalrous heroes of Xianyang went wild. A title of nobility! That would bring glory to their ancestors!

However, the interview scene was a complete disaster.

"You! Spin three times!" the examiner (a captain from the Ministry of War) shouted.

A burly man spun around three times before crashing into a pillar.

"Eliminated! Next!"

"You! What is this?" The captain held up a durian that had been brought from Baiyue, a prank by Liu Bang.

"This...this is poop?" The interviewee covered his nose.

"Eliminated! If they can't even stand this much taste, how can they go to the Western Regions to eat sand and dust?"

For three consecutive days, hundreds of interviewees were interviewed, but not one of them caught Ying Zheng's eye.

until the fourth day.

A young man wearing an old fur coat and carrying a broken wooden bow led a skinny horse slowly to the entrance of the recruitment hall.

He looked to be in his early twenties, with tanned skin and frighteningly bright eyes.

"My name is Zhang Qian." The young man grinned, revealing a set of white teeth. "I'm from Hanzhong. I want to go west and take a look."

"What can you do?" the captain asked impatiently.

Zhang Qian didn't speak. He took out a cloth bag from his pocket, opened it, and inside were dozens of parchment sheets covered with lines.

"These are every road I've walked and every mountain I've drawn from childhood to adulthood."

The captain randomly picked up a map; it was a map of the mountain roads from Hanzhong to Xianyang. Every bend, every water source, even where wild fruits were found, was clearly marked.

"And another thing," Zhang Liang pointed to the sky, "no matter day or night, whether it's cloudy or rainy, I can always tell which way is west."

"Because..." he pointed to his nose, "I can smell the sand in the wind."

This matter reached Ying Zheng's ears.

On the Qilin Hall.

Ying Zheng sized up the young man named Zhang Qian. Although the real Zhang Qian in history wouldn't be born for several decades, Ying Zheng didn't care. What he wanted was this spirit, the "opening up" destiny represented by this name.

"You want to go to the Western Regions?" Ying Zheng asked. "Do you know what's there? There are man-eating monsters, quicksand, and Modu's scimitar."

"I know," Zhang Qian said, his eyes clear. "But what I really want to know is, where does the sun go after it sets over there?"

"Furthermore, I have heard that there is a kind of horse in the west whose sweat is as red as blood, and which can travel a thousand miles a day. I would like to bring one back for Your Majesty."

Ying Zheng smiled.

"Well done, bringing one back."

"I want more than just horses. I want you to lead a team, with the best of Qin, to pave that road for me."

"I hereby bestow upon you the title of 'Marquis of Bowang in the Western Regions of the Great Qin'."

"What do you need? Just say the word."

Zhang Qian thought for a moment and then held up one finger.

"This humble citizen needs something...something that will make people from the Western Regions unable to leave once they see it."

……

Shaofu, a warehouse of fine goods.

Ying Zheng, accompanied by Zhang Qian and Liu Bang, who seemed to thrive on chaos, returned as a business advisor to select "state gifts."

"Silk?" Liu Bang touched a piece of red brocade. "We must bring this. Those barbarians have never seen such smooth cloth before; they'll definitely fight over it."

"Porcelain?" Zhao Gao held up a freshly fired blue-and-white porcelain plate. Although the pattern was a bit crooked, "This is the latest achievement of the Institute of Chemistry! It's fragile, but it looks good! We can... oh no, sell it to those Romans and get their gold coins!"

"Tea bricks." Ying Zheng pointed to a pile of tea leaves pressed like bricks. "Little G said that people in the Western Regions eat a lot of meat and lack vegetables. This stuff can cut through the greasiness and also cure diseases. Take it with you; it's a necessity."

"And this too!"

Hu Hai suddenly jumped out from the corner, holding a scroll... a special edition of "Shu Yunrou".

"Father! We must bring this!" Hu Hai said solemnly. "Teacher G once said that the mark of civilization is the treatment of one's backside. Let those kings of the Western Regions who are still wiping their backsides with leaves and stones use this once, and they will definitely kneel down and shout 'Long live the Great Qin!'"

Ying Zheng's lips twitched slightly.

"Paper diplomacy?"

"It sounds a bit... well, but it does make sense."

Liu Bang slapped his thigh: "Bring it! Absolutely! And it has to be the kind with added spices! Tell them it's 'Yunjin Paper' used exclusively by the Qin royal family, and one sheet is worth a sheep!"

Thus, the first mission to the Western Regions of the Great Qin Dynasty was formed in a bizarre atmosphere filled with "commercial fraud" and "civilization dissemination".

Besides Zhang Qian as their guide, the delegation also included one hundred fully armed "special forces" trained by Xiang Yu, and fifty eloquent "salesmen" (Liu Bang's apprentices).

The convoy was filled with silk, porcelain, tea bricks, and five cartloads of toilet paper.

……

On the day of departure, banners fluttered outside the west gate of Xianyang.

Ying Zheng personally saw him off.

He handed Zhang Qian a sword, a Qin sword forged from meteorite iron, which was incomparably sharp.

Zhang Qian.

"Your subject is here."

"The journey to the Western Regions is long and arduous, and the outcome is uncertain."

"I do not ask you to bring back the Ferghana horses, nor do I ask you to make those kings submit."

"I only need you to do one thing."

Ying Zheng pointed to the path beneath his feet.

"Come back alive."

"If you come back alive and tell me what it's like over there, you will have done a great service."

"Also," Ying Zheng lowered his voice, "if you see Modu, please pass on a message to me."

"Tell him not to think he can get away just because he runs fast. My railways are under construction, and my trains are being built."

"One day, I will ride in a fire-breathing chariot to the west to have tea with him."

Zhang Qian, with tears in his eyes, kowtowed repeatedly.

"Your subject will certainly not fail in his mission!"

The convoy slowly started moving, heading towards the direction where the sun was setting, towards that unknown wilderness, taking the first step for the Great Qin Dynasty towards the world.

……

However, Ying Zheng was unaware that at the very moment his delegation set off, a conspiracy against the Qin Dynasty was quietly unfolding in the distant Western Regions.

The Western Regions, the ancient kingdom of Loulan.

This is the throat of the Silk Road, and also a thriving oasis.

At this moment, an uninvited guest was sitting in the Loulan Royal Palace.

Maodun.

He was no longer the pathetic, fleeing fugitive. After six months of rest and conquest, he had once again gathered tens of thousands of archers under his command. Moreover, he had learned new skills.

He held in his hand a glass that had been passed down from the Qin Dynasty, filled with wine from the Western Regions.

"Great Chanyu, the Qin delegation has already crossed the border," a scout reported, kneeling on the ground. "They brought many cartloads of goods, which look like silk and...paper?"

Maodun sneered and crushed the glass to pieces.

"Silk? Paper?"

"That old fox Ying Zheng wants to use these soft and weak things to corrupt the kingdoms of the Western Regions, just like he corrupted my stupid old man back then."

"Unfortunately, I am not Touman."

Maodun stood up and walked to the King of Loulan.

The poor King of Loulan trembled with fear, for next to his throne was a scimitar belonging to Modu.

"Your Majesty," Maodun's voice was soft, yet tinged with bloodlust, "the Qin people are coming. They're here to steal your water, your women, and your oases."

"Only I, the great Xiongnu Chanyu, can protect you."

"Pass on my order."

"Of the thirty-six kingdoms in the Western Regions, who dared to give the Qin people a drop of water, who dared to buy a piece of cloth from them..."

"I then slaughtered his city."

"And another one." Maodun looked towards the door, where a mysterious person dressed in a black robe with his face covered stood.

"Sir, is that thing ready?"

The mysterious man slowly lifted his hood, revealing a face that Ying Zheng recognized very well, yet was also somewhat unfamiliar with.

That was... Zhao Gao?

No, it wasn't Zhao Gao.

That was Zhao Gao's twin brother, Zhao Cheng.

That man, unknown in history but now harboring a deep-seated hatred for Qin Shi Huang, stole the blueprints from the Imperial Household Department and fled to the Xiongnu.

"Rest assured, Great Chanyu." Zhao Cheng smiled sinisterly, holding a black iron ball in his hand.

"Although I can't build a steam engine, I've already made a replica of this 'Thunderclap Mine' (a homemade landmine)."

"Just bury it along the inevitable path through the desert..."

"That Zhang Qian, along with his horse, will become fertilizer in the desert."

……

Inside Xianyang Palace.

Ying Zheng suddenly sneezed.

"Achoo!"

He rubbed his nose.

"Strange, wasn't my rhinitis cured?"

He glanced at the light screen.

"Little G, why do I feel... my right eyelid is twitching?"

[Your Majesty, a twitching left eye means good fortune, a twitching right eye means bad luck.]

[Suggestion: Increase security, or... send Zhang Qian a wireless telegram? (Oh, sorry, it hasn't been built yet.)]

However, you can now put Liu Bang's "business intelligence network" to work.

Ying Zheng narrowed his eyes.

"It seems that the road westward is not so smooth."

"Zhao Gao."

"Yes, ma'am." Zhao Gao was busy packing up the pile of toilet paper.

Do you have a younger brother?

Zhao Gao was taken aback, and the scroll of paper in his hand fell to the ground.

"Your Majesty, I have a good-for-nothing younger brother named Zhao Cheng. He went missing many years ago, and we don't know if he's alive or dead."

"Missing?" Ying Zheng's eyes were deep.

"That's good."

"If I were to discover that he is still alive and causing me trouble..."

"I'll have you go and bring him back, and then... stuff him into the boiler of that water pump."

Zhao Gao was so frightened that he knelt down and begged for mercy: "This servant is utterly loyal! I have never had any disloyal intentions!"

Ying Zheng waved his hand and said nothing more.

But he knew that a covert war spanning thousands of miles had quietly begun deep in the desert.

The key to winning this game lies not only in who has the faster blade, but also in... whose "tech tree" is developed more unorthodox and ruthlessly.